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It was about twelve at Noon, and a Servant brought in Dinner. It was only one substantial Dish of Meat (fit for the plain condition of an Husbandman) in a Dish of about twenty-four Foot Diameter. The Company were the Farmer and his Wife, three Children, and an old Grandmother: When they were sat down, the Farmer placed me at some Distance from him on the Table, which was thirty Foot high from the Floor. I was in a terrible Fright, and kept as far as I could from the Edge for Fear of falling. The Wife minced a bit of Meat, then crumbled some Bread on a Trencher, and placed it before me. I made her a low Bow, took out my Knife and Fork, and fell to eating, which gave them exceeding Delight. The Mistress sent her Maid for a small Dram-cup, which held about three Gallons, and filled it with Drink; I took up the Vessel with much difficulty in both Hands, and in a most respectful manner drank to her Ladyship's Health, expressing the Words as loud as I could in English, which made the Company laugh so heartily, that I was almost deafned with the Noise. This Liquor tasted like a small Cyder, and was not unpleasant. Then the Master made me a Sign to come to his Trencher-side; but as I walked on the Table, being in great Surprize all the Time, as the indulgent Reader will easily conceive and excuse, I happened to stumble against a crust, and fell flat on my Face, but received no Hurt. I got up immediately, and observing the good People to be in much Concern, I took my Hat (which I held under my Arm out of good Manners) and waving it over my Head, made three Huzza's, to shew I had got no Mischief by my Fall. But advancing forwards toward my Master (as I shall henceforth call him), his youngest paradise pokerstarscom Son who sate next him, an arch Boy of about ten Years old, took me up by the Legs, and held me so high in the Air, that I trembled every Limb; but his Father snatched me from him, and at the same Time gave him such a Box on the left Ear, as would have felled an European Troop of Horse to the Earth, ordering him to be taken from the Table. But being afraid the Boy might owe me a spight, and well remembring how mischievous all Children among us naturally are to Sparrows, Rabbits, young Kittens, and Puppy Dogs, I fell on my Knees, and pointing to the Boy, made my Master to understand, as well as I could, that I desired his Son might be pardoned. The Father complied, and the Lad took his Seat again; whereupon I went to him and kissed his Hand, which my Master took, and made him stroke me gently with it.
In the midst of Dinner, my Mistress's favourite Cat leapt into her Lap. I heard a Noise behind me like that of a dozen Stocking-Weavers at Work; and turning my Head, I found it proceeded from the purring of this Animal, who seemed to be three times larger than an Ox, as I computed by the View of her Head, and one of her Paws, while her Mistress was feeding and stroaking her. The Fierceness of this Creature's Countenance altogether discomposed me; though I stood at the further End of the Table, above fifty Foot off, and altho' my Mistress held her fast for fear she might give web pokerstarscom Spring, and seize me in her Talons. But it happened there was no Danger; for the Cat took not the least Notice of me when my Master placed me within three Yards of her. And as I have been always told, and found true by Experience in my Travels, that flying, or discovering Fear before a fierce Animal, is a certain Way to make it pursue or attack you, so I resolved in this dangerous Juncture to shew no manner of Concern. I walked with Intrepidity five or six times before the very Head of the Cat, and came within half a Yard of her; whereupon she drew herself back, as if she were more afraid of me: I had less Apprehension concerning the Dogs, whereof three or four came into the Room, as it is usual in Farmers' Houses; one of which was a Mastiff, equal in Bulk to four Elephants, and a Greyhound, somewhat taller than the Mastiff, but not so large.
When Dinner was almost done, the Nurse came in with a Child of a Year old in her Arms, who immediately spied me, and began a Squall that you might have heard from London-Bridge to Chelsea, after the usual Oratory of Infants, to get me for a Play-thing. The Mother out of pure Indulgence took me up, and put me towards the Child, who presently seized me by the Middle, and got my Head in his Mouth, where I roared so loud that the Urchin was frightened, and let me drop, and I should infallibly have broke my Neck if the Mother had not held her Apron under me. The Nurse to quiet her Babe made use of a Rattle, which was a kind of hollow Vessel filled with great Stones, and fastned by a Cable to the Child's Wast: But all in vain, so that she was forced to apply the last Remedy, by giving it suck. I must confess no Object ever disgusted me so much as the sight of her monstrous Breast, which I cannot tell what to compare with, so as to give the curious Reader an Idea of its Bulk, Shape and Colour. It stood prominent six Foot, and could not be less than sixteen in Circumference. The Nipple was about half the Bigness of my Head, and the Hew both of that and the Dug so varified with Spots, Pimples and Freckles, that nothing could appear more nauseous: For I had a near sight of her, she sitting down the more conveniently to give Suck, and I standing on the Table. This made me reflect upon the fair skins of our English Ladies, who appear so beautiful to us, only because they are of our own Size, and their Defects not to be seen but through a Magnifying-glass, where we find by Experiment that the smoothest and whitest Skins look rough and coarse, and ill coloured.
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